Pain. That is all that I feel. All that I know. When the night is dark and silent, they whisper to me. The Ghosts of my past. Of my darkness. Of things I have done that I am not proud. In them, I see myself. In their echoing voices, I hear my own silent screams. In their writhing, tortured bodies, their dark shattered souls, I see bits and pieces of who I used to be. Who I fear that I will one day become again. It is hard, being unable to explain any of this to those that I love. To let someone in that deep to see the scars that are not able to be seen with the eyes. Or felt with a touch of a hand. For this is not something measured in time, distance, or with the senses. Only felt. Only experienced through the course of ones path. A path, that was not chosen for me.

So, when the night is silent, and I am alone....it is hard to shut them out. I no longer fight them, but let them come. They are a part of me, my past; and I am a part of them and always will be. Why is it so hard to accept this? All my anger, rage and hate? For the past, for what I was forced to become? Why do I hide it and let it torment me in other ways? The Beast, I now know is but a shade of all that passionate darkness within me. Though I now 'master' control over it, how long before it takes back over? How long before the 'leash' snaps and I sink back into that darkness? How do I stop it? Why can I admit my faults in the dark of night, but when daylight comes, I hide them again? What is it I am running from? Am I afraid of? Truly? Who is there, to help me on my path?

A monster knows no love...as the great poets say, and yet I can tell you from the bottom of my heart, that that is NOT true! I LOVE! I FEEL~ I YEARN~ Am I so monstrous that I will be forever denied such a thing? I hope not! I know that isn't true! For I AM loved....

But still, ghosts are hard to ignore when they visit in the night, and you can do nothing but let them come.....and....remember......