She had been reading for most of the night. The windows were open, allowing for the cool night air to waft in....that it took Becca by surprise when she saw a Butterfly alight upon her hand as she read by the fires light. She let out a soft gasp, but she smiled as she watched the tiny, fragile thing flutter its wings, open and closed as it sat atop her hand.

In her peoples beliefs, Butterflies were spirits of the dead, come back to let those who had once loved them in this life know that they were ok. She wasn't sure if she believed that or not, but just the sight of the small creature, when she had reached a rather sad part of her book was hardly a coincidence. "Where did you come from, little one?" She asked it softly as she put the book down and rose. "Out of season for your kind.....still beautiful though." She walked over to one of the bay windows and lifted her hand out into the night. "Off you go....." The butterfly flapped it's wings, once, twice then lifted into the air. It hovered in front of her, fluttered to land on her chest, just over her heart and then fluttered to brush the tip of her nose before taking off into the night. Words....could not describe her emotions as she watched it fade into the night. Giving a deep sigh, she returned to her book, curling up by the fire. A butterfly at night....odd but beautiful.

"What I love...."

 I love the way the sunset alights the sky just before night comes.

How it makes the sky seem alive in so many colors.

I love how the world feels as true night sets in after dusk.

The sounds of the crickets, the scents of a night breeze as it blows past.

The world is alive in the night as much as it is during the day.

I love how the wind blows through the trees in the mountains,

and through a meadow of flowers on a hill.

The scents, the feeling of peace that wafts within me at such points is heady, delirious even.

I love the way the Earth smells after a rain,

That lovely, Earthy scent that is life, permeating all around me.

I love the sound of a laugh, deep, echoing,

As I cause my friends to giggle or laugh in happiness and Joy.

Because even though I can not always do so, seeing others happy, makes me happy.

I love the smell of fresh baked bread, lavender and Vanilla and leather!

Those remind me of certain things from my past that make me smile.

I love being a listening ear to those who need it, for I know, firsthand what it feels like,

To be lost, to be alone, to be hurting, in silence, for years.

I love the sound of rain hitting my roof during a thunderstorm.

I love to hear a good Opera, a good song, for music is important to me, has a deep impact on my life.

I am a 'mushy sap' at times so yes, I love to hear how much I am loved by those I love in return.

I love to see the happiness and joy in my loved ones eyes.

I love to help others, to give back when I can.

There are so many things that I love.

Big things, little things, it would be impossible to name them all here.

I love my life...even though it hasn't been perfect, and I still struggle, daily, it is MINE.

Anxiety, PTSD, these are just words...and you can rise above it.

One day at a time....

Life is beautiful...find the joy...make it yours....LIVE!

Becca: She had time during the day....

 

She had time during the day, to think about how things had changed for her in her life. Since coming to this new world, she had met the Master of the Manor and they had had a blossoming romance. So many wonderful things had happened since coming here and she wondered, what the future held for them both. She had to take the time during the day to get a few things done, since everyone normally was up and about during the day. Still, she had things to do before Barnabus got up for the night and she wanted to be able to spend time with him.

 "Their wails and cries will haunt me the rest of my days."

 That had been her last words when she had left the care of the King. She had carried out his orders well and without reservation, till the very end. She had loved and followed the King absolutely, and it had hurt to see the way he treated his own people, and through her actions, which always spoke of His hand. It wasn't just she alone. He had others that did his work as well, but she had been his most trusted 'adviser'. He had asked for things to be done, and she had seen it through.

But now, now she doubted even her own conscious. She was of Rivendell stock, but also of the human world. Of Celtic and Nordic stock, and Celtic/Nordic stock had Iron in their souls. Back ramrod straight, Iron in her blood as well as her soul, she never once doubted her actions, nor regretted them. But this, one action in the name of her King made her regret what she had seen through.

Having to lie to the people she served, and having to watch His Graces will be done, had left darkness reside once more within her. Knowing that she could do nothing to stop the slaughter that would happen, nor able to warn them on account of being labeled a traitor. She didn't see how people could do what they were ordered to do, when it came to things of this nature. How they could listen to the screams and the begging of the loved ones of the ones guilty and pay it no mind, how they could ignore the terrible 'example' they have made of the Kings people. She found it hard to do so, but she did her duty, carried out heinous acts that her King ordered.

But she could not harden her heart to the plight of the people. She could not forget the women and children begging for their fathers, their brothers life be spared. She could not understand the King and his advisers ideals, not in this way. So after she had seen His work done, and done well to the point that no man, woman or child would rise up out of those ashes, she rode back to the Throne and laid down her sword for good. When they, the advisers and now Chief Advisor, sought to stop her, she turned on him and with all her might, fought back against his dark words.

"It is not us, but YOU, who are the very original Chief cause of all this rebellion and mischief, and though you could probably find someway of having all the Noblemens heads of the realm struck off if you wanted it, yet I trust there might be one left who could still strike off yours!!"

The Throne room was quieted as she threw down her sword, glared at her King, her king no more, and stormed out, with those last words uttered upon her tongue. She would be his puppet no more. She had not fought against the Darkness within her own soul to fall back into the world of men, to execute the innocent. Let someone else do his dirty work, History would not find her here nor write her name in any of these stories for the world of men!

 Things get better,

Take it from me.

Life is nothing but sweet agony,

Yet under the pain, the fear and hate,

Lies something hidden, that which is Great!

Love is all around you, ever flowing,

Ever growing,

It even outlasts time.

So worry not when it seems you are alone or afraid,

For you are just waiting for the someone for whom you were made.

They are out there,

I swear, and you will know them from the start.

For they are the one who understands the song of your heart.

~~Written by ME!!~~

Look behind the fur and the teeth, do you not see me?

I hide behind the fur and claws, but my eyes, themselves Deceive.

When the wolf snarls, and the howls echo the forest,

See not the demons that run behind my eyes,

but to the ME inside.

Call to me with gentle words,

Help me find my way.

I am lost in this form,

This is not who I am, nor who I want to be!

~Written by ME!!~~

 I protect my 'pack',

I am the Shadow on the wall,

I am the sword in the Darkness,

I am the shield that guards my pack and my home.

Look into my eyes and there Death you will see,

if you be mine enemy.

For I fear no evil,

For I fear neither cold nor pain,

For I am the watcher and I see all.

So hear my mournful cry, that echos in the night,

Do you despair or rejoice?

That alone, should be your answer.