'What I wanted....more than anything in the
world...was to shift to wolf. Like my family. I would be a powerful force to be
reckoned with. I would be swift and agile as any wolf. I would decimate my foes
swiftly and surely....but alas, such was not my fate. So I am all these things
and more, in my human skin....but inside, my wolf spirit growls.'
~Allya's inner monologue from when she was younger~
Becca could feel the chill in thr air. December was fast on its way and with it came cold, snow and Christmas! She adored the holiday but nothing excited her more then to go out and search for the perfect Christmas tree!
Her woods were full of them and though
there were many, she knew she would find just the right one when she saw it. It
had to be tall! At least 6 foot, and bushy and full. Not scraggly or missing
branches. It had to have a distinct smell of pine, no rot or mold upon it and
it had to be..well...perfect!
Her blood warmed in excitement as she
bundled up and heading towards the shed out back of her house, prepped and
sharpened her axe, hauled out a large sled with with to haul her tree back on,
fastening the picnic lunch she had packed for herself, she headed into the
forest. In search of just the right tree!!
Pain. That is all that I feel. All that I know. When the night is dark and silent, they whisper to me. The Ghosts of my past. Of my darkness. Of things I have done that I am not proud. In them, I see myself. In their echoing voices, I hear my own silent screams. In their writhing, tortured bodies, their dark shattered souls, I see bits and pieces of who I used to be. Who I fear that I will one day become again. It is hard, being unable to explain any of this to those that I love. To let someone in that deep to see the scars that are not able to be seen with the eyes. Or felt with a touch of a hand. For this is not something measured in time, distance, or with the senses. Only felt. Only experienced through the course of ones path. A path, that was not chosen for me.
So, when the night is silent, and I am
alone....it is hard to shut them out. I no longer fight them, but let them
come. They are a part of me, my past; and I am a part of them and always will
be. Why is it so hard to accept this? All my anger, rage and hate? For the
past, for what I was forced to become? Why do I hide it and let it torment me
in other ways? The Beast, I now know is but a shade of all that passionate
darkness within me. Though I now 'master' control over it, how long before it
takes back over? How long before the 'leash' snaps and I sink back into that
darkness? How do I stop it? Why can I admit my faults in the dark of night, but
when daylight comes, I hide them again? What is it I am running from? Am I
afraid of? Truly? Who is there, to help me on my path?
A monster knows no love...as the great
poets say, and yet I can tell you from the bottom of my heart, that that is NOT
true! I LOVE! I FEEL~ I YEARN~ Am I so monstrous that I will be forever denied
such a thing? I hope not! I know that isn't true! For I AM loved....
But still, ghosts are hard to ignore when
they visit in the night, and you can do nothing but let them come.....and....remember......
She was a beauty who never wanted the prince... she always wanted the beast.
- N. R. Hart
YES! THIS....RIGHT HERE!!!
Keep all your 'knights in shining armor'
BS! Give me a Viking! A man not afraid to get dirty, whether in work or in
love. Who is wild, passionate, and fiercely protective and loyal.Who is not
afraid to fight for what/whom they love, for what they desire. I don't want
'clean armor', or a white horse....I want a Vampire in the darkness, a Viking
in bloody chain mail, a Werewolf under the full moon!! I want the odd, the
different, the unusual and the strange!!! Embrace your differences, for they
are what make you BEAUTIFUL!!!
// So while rereading older then dirt solos I had written out, I had forgotten that Allya was an 'unaware' psychokinetic or telekinetic. Meaning, in a old rp solo I had written, she had had a horrible nightmare about fire, and somehow, her curtains suddenly caught fire in her room and she awoke to it and had to have help putting it out. And once, when Rheagal made her mad and she yelled at him, something behind him that was glass, shattered rather forcefully.
She is unaware because it happens so
random, and she hasn't had any training in it,
but it could help explain a few things about her. Why she can 'talk' to
and be understood by animals, how she can hear Daemon so easily (Though she
firmly believes it is solely because of how close they are and she can not hear
any other humans.) and why somethings happen around her that at times, she just
can't explain. Things moving or disappearing entirely, things breaking when
she's angry, stuff like that.
thought that would be something cool to
explore down the line in more detail.
// SOLO...because I can't sleep...had a rough day and found good music that inspired this....
It was so bright! The light stung her eyes
making it harder to see. The sounds were damn near deafening as artists from
all over had gathered to celebrate. There were so many sounds, smells, sights
to behold that she didn't know where to look first as she was led out into the
bright sunlight from behind a curtain where she had been instructed to wait.
She wasn't really sure what was going on, but all around her was chaos. All was
delight and merrymaking as well as sounds of a tourney coming from two places
over, the people's cheers able to be heard even at that distance.
Suddenly, she was moving. Walking, head
held high down a small pathway through the chaos. She had no moment to wonder
about what was happening or where she was going, just that she had to reach the
peak of the path without making a misstep. Why and how she knew this, she had
no idea. But she could feel the tension wash away from her the more she walked.
Feel her body slowly begin to relax the further down the path she got. People
were cheering, throwing flowers at her feet, all around her people bestowed
blessings...and she had no earthly idea why. The dress she wore was nicely
made. To nice for something that she would own herself or ever be able to
afford. It was dark red, inlaid with sapphires and emeralds along the hemline
and the sleeves. Her hair done up fashionably in a style, she had never worn
before either. Why?
As she drew closer to the end of the path,
she saw before her a chair, empty. No, not a chair, a throne! Beside it sat
Morgul, huge and monstrous in his size as he now was full height for his
species. When had THAT happened!? She looked around her slowly, feeling her
heartbeat picking back up. This had to be a mistake! She didn't belong on any
throne. Didn't want it! But she found herself as if pulled towards it, and upon
reaching it, found herself turning to face the crowd as if nothing she did was
her own choice. the harder she fought against such things, the more the power
forcing her to move made her do so. it actually hurt, to struggle against it
and soon she found herself sitting upon that throne, Morgul roaring at her side
as his wings spread, demanding in a way for everyone to pay reverence to her
and the crowd did as bid. All cheered, all praised her name...but...something
wasn't right. This was so wrong. This wasn't what she aspired too. What was
happening!!
She watched as a Maester came closer with a
smaller crown and she visibly shook her head, but even that small movement
hurt. No! No! No! Not her! This wasn't right! She wasn't a ruler! She didn't
rule...not alone! It wasn't her birthright! Closer and closer that crown got,
and she struggled to speak, to say SOMETHING, but nothing escaped her. Why was
she here? Why was she here alone? Daemon! Where was Daemon? Where was someone
to STOP this from happening! She didn't want it! Not at the expense of those
she loved. Not for any reason. No! Please...STOP!!!
Sitting up with a hoarse cry of
"STOP!' upon her lips, the thunder crashed as lighting flashed around the
castle of Driftmark. Gasps echoed from her lips as she realized, to her relief
that it was solely a dream. Only a dream. Pulling the blankets more firmly
around her, she settled back in bed, trying to calm her heartbeat. What could
that dream have meant? Why would she have it at all? She was safe though. Still
on Driftmark, her wounds all but healed. Morgul safe and growing bigger every
day. Daemon safe as well, for she could sense him still. That little light
flickering within her mind as she focused on him. Thank the Gods all was well.
But...why the dream? She had no such intentions. No desires for it either.
Curling back up on her side, she sighed deeply and staring at the fire, tried
to lull herself back to sleep. Listening to the storm as it howled outside her
window.
